Well it has been a minute since my last post!
(Mum/Dad – I realise that may not make sense to you but ‘a minute’ is like a cool new way to say it’s been a long time)
In fact the last time I did some writing was in lockdown 1.0, during which, I was living in Surrey with my partner (Mr M), 2 step kids and Ted (cat).
Well, one of the many things we have learnt from 2020, the year that just keeps giving, is that a lot can change in a very short period of time.
In the UK we are now in lockdown 2.0 and I’m living in Kent, just me and Ted.
Rather than a big in depth post about feelings and learnings from break ups (because I am pretty sure I’ve posted about that before, hmmmm, patterns emerging), I thought I might just do an easy-to digest list. A list of the great things and the not so great things that have happened since May 2020.
Fabulous things that have happened
- I have wonderful new job that I really enjoy for a company I feel a huge connection to
- Discovered a new passion for decorating, I’ve sanded, I’ve painted, I’ve filled holes (oooo-er) and I’ve wallpapered! It’s given me such satisfaction to learn something new and then sit and revel in the shiny, updated splendor I have created
- Bought my first ever car. Yep at the age of 36 I have finally bought my first car. I learnt to drive in sobriety and have had a lease car in that time so this was a big step for me, its being delivered next week – fingers crossed it doesn’t fall apart within 3 days
- Read a shed load of books, my faves: Untamed (Glennon Doyle), Women Don’t Owe You Pretty (Florence Given), Queenie (Candice Carty-Williams)
- Had even more confirmation that I have the best friends in the world – who checked in on me, invited me out and let me stay at their house during the month long awkward transition of me and Mr M living together before I moved into my new place
- Met some really cute puppies (my friends little fur babies)
- I moved closer to my parents so it takes 7 mins rather than an hour to go and see them which is brilliant during this time of uncertainty – I am able to be in a support bubble with them
Shitty things that have happened
- Broke up with Mr M
- No longer have step kids (does that make them ex step kids or just nothing? Seems weird that they can go from being everything, a focus of my everyday to having no contact over night)
- Ted going missing for 5 days (honestly the worst 5 days EVER)
- Oh yeah and the pandemic stuff…
More Fabulous things
- I finally stuck to my boundaries and knowledge that the relationship wasn’t right for either of us. It would have been so easy to stay, for ease, for the kids, to settle. This break up has meant a lot of change but it’s also meant a lot of growth – being true to myself and what I want rather than doing something to please someone else (which I have done most of my life)
- My memories of being a bonus Mum are lovely and will stay with me forever – even if I don’t see those 2 little cherubs again. I don’t think it’s fair to ask to see them when, in the whole scheme of things I wasn’t in their life for a long time, they still have their Mum and they will probably be introduced to someone new in the future. I don’t want to cause confusion. But I will always, always be there for them both
- Ted came back! Oh the JOY of having him back home. He now has a stylish GPS collar and actually rarely wants to leave the house after his ordeal. I would rather go through 100 break ups than that ever happen again. But after many hours of searching, flyering in the rain (thanks Mum for keeping me company) he came back!!
- I got to know my neighbours really well – they put in so many hours looking for Ted, it really restored my faith in humanity. I made barely edible cupcakes as thank yous
- Mr M and I still want the best for each other and that’s refreshing. See that – adult GROWTH that is!
- I have been reminded how much I love living on my own. Cooking what I want, dressing when I want (usually before my first zoom call…but not always), only having myself to rely on for cleaning. It’s pure bliss!
So, it’s been a few months of change, growth and development. I’m sure that’s the case for most people given the year it’s been so far. But let’s never forget, if you are reading this – you’re doing ok. You have a device you can read blogs on. Let’s try not to lose perspective – no matter what is happening in our small world, there is always a new day which can bring new beginnings. The rest is up to you.